Crackers about Christmas
Sunday 03rd December 2017

How will Christmas dinner be different after Brexit?
  No Brussels.

Two snowmen were standing in a field. One said, “Can you smell carrots?”

What did Adam say the day before Christmas?
  “It’s Christmas Eve”

What do snowmen have for breakfast?
  Snowflakes

What’s the best Christmas present ever?
  A broken drum set – you just can’t beat it!

What do you call someone that’s scared of Santa?
  Claus-trophobic

Why did the orange take a prune to the Christmas party?
  Because he couldn’t find a date!

And from the wonderful Tommy Cooper:

Someone said ‘do your shopping early’, so I got up at 5o’clock this morning, but all the shops were closed

I said to the girl in the shop, ‘I want to give my wife half a ping-pong table for Christmas’ she said ‘why half a table’ I said, ‘she doesn’t play!’

One Christmas I got a job as Santa Claus in a store, One little girl sat on my knee and said, ‘Guess what I’ve got?’ I said, ‘A doll?’ she said, ‘No,’ I said, ‘a Christmas list?’ she said ‘No’ I said, ‘I give up’ she said ‘Chickenpox!’

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